Creating a support group for MVA survivors
For all of the support groups out there that exist to serve victims of accidents, recovering from one can still feel like a lonely experience. It seems like nobody quite gets it. Nobody else was injured the way you were. They don’t have the same lasting pain. Their bodies hold the echoes of trauma in a different fashion. As such, it feels like you suffer by yourself.
That is, it can be like that for some people. Dawne McKay, who was rear-ended at an unthinkable 80 km per hour by an SUV that shoved her into the path of an oncoming truck, suffered tremendous injuries.
When she was transported to her local hospital, they quickly decided to send her to a trauma unit that could better handle her grievous wounds – and the other center greeted her with the hospital chaplain.
Recovering from that accident has been a constant exercise because Dawne is still recovering, all these years later. During the course of this seemingly endless recovery, she learned who her true friends are, how steady her other half is, and upon whom she can truly rely.
She also realized that she needed a real support network, one that she could not find in the web of outpatient rehabilitation, physical therapists, doctors, psychologists and other professionals she was seeing.
She needed other people like herself. Basically, she needed her tribe.
That is why Dawne created the Facebook group Motor Vehicle Accident Victims in 2016, which has now grown close to 200 members; many of them have just been discharged from the hospital or are caregivers of those who have been in accidents.
The group does not provide medical advice, but offers the sort of understanding and compassion that Dawne herself was seeking after her own accident. She also created MVA Support & Recovery, a page for those who want information and resources, but do not want the support-group environment.
Sometimes the only true empathy can come from those who have gone through what you have experienced. And while other support groups for motor vehicle accident victims certainly exist, it does help to have a smaller, more intimate experience – to truly know the others in the group, and to know that everyone is really there for you.
Janice says
Husband in motorcycle accident not out fault an havin major injuries
Jennifer Kain Kilgore says
Hi Janice – I am so sorry for your troubles. If your husband has been in a motorcycle accident that was someone else’s fault, make sure to visit the doctor first and an attorney second. That way, if you do decide to pursue a case, there will be medical notes to back him up. I’m not sure where you live, but try our attorney directory to find someone in your area: https://www.enjuris.com/directory/
Good luck! I hope your husband feels better soon.
Billy says
Wednesday a 15 yr old kid driving came into my lane side swiped the pickup in front of me and hit me head on in my semi. He was gone instantly the trooper told me the impact was so violent I should have not walked away but I did. I am struggling so hard that his life is gone he will never grow to have a family his parents will never hold him again. The images of him from the wreck I cannot shake I grabbed the fire extinguisher from my truck and ran screaming get him out but people who stopped said he was already gone and the vehicle was fully engulfed in flames and all I can think is I killed him. I knew I was not at fault and many witnesses seen it exactly as I described and said their was nothing I could do. Bit it’s been 3 days now I barely can sleep and just cannot fathom why a 15 yr old was driving in the first place it angers me and saddens me at the same time that I wish he would not have made the decision to drive illegally. Thanks for listening
Carrie Warren says
Oh Billy, what a heart-breaking experience. I’m glad you found this article about Dawne’s experience and her support group. Perhaps connecting with others can help to ease the pain a bit. Wishing you all the best from the Enjuris team.
SimplyTracy says
From New
I am looking for help for my niece. Same situation but she was the 16 yr old with a valid license on her way to work. She was on the main road. 53 yr old woman didn’t stop at the stop sign or even slow. My niece was going 45 (that was the speed limit). The wan was going probably a similar speed and didn’t slow. She crashed into nieces truck in the passenger door, pushed her across the street into a guardrail. She had to climb out her window to get out. She went over to the car to see how the lady was and could tell she was already gone. I’m looking for her to talk with others that have coped with the same kind of trauma. Have you found any other platforms? Thank you for reading.
Melissa Gold says
I am so sorry that your niece had to endure such a devastating trauma. There are support groups out there for survivors of motor vehicle accidents, other types of trauma, and PTSD. Since many of these are locally-based groups, your best bet would be to get a referral for a therapist who can either provide counseling or suggest a support group. You can contact your niece’s physician for a referral to a therapist, or you could look at the referral list for her insurance company. Also, since you mentioned that she is 16, there could be resources available through her school counseling department. Best wishes to you and to her, and I hope she is able to overcome her grief.
michele grinar says
From Pennsylvania
Hi Billy,
First, I am so sorry this happened to you. I imagine that now, four years later, the memory is just as heart breaking.
It is for my family. My husband’s life was changed forever on a freezing cold night in early 2015, when a beautiful young girl walking along the side of the freeway at 2:00 am, dressed in pajamas and slippers, jumped in front of his rig and died instantly.
The agony her parents must feel is something I can’t begin to grasp, and I can’t get my head around the pain you must feel.
I don’t understand what you are going through any better than I understand what my husband is going through.
I only know that the man I love blames himself, isolates himself, and punishes himself every day.
If I could have one wish, it would be to have that little girl back, alive and happy, home with her parents. If I could have two, it would be that my husband, a hard working honest trucker, be freed from the misery of this horrible accident.
I hope you have someone in your life that wishes that for you too.
Be well.
Sincerely,
Shelly
Debbie Jensen says
I was involved in accident on May 25. A semi truck ran a red light on a left hand turn. The truck took out the front of my car. I was running errands for Labor Day weekend. I was put in a body cast for 7.5 weeks. I’m slowly recovering both physically and mentally. My husband has been great but I can see he’s starting to lose patience. He doesn’t understand the pain I’ve gone through my body just aches from the accident and I hate going anywhere. What should I do. I need to move in but it’s really hard. I start pt tomorrow. I really don’t blame him but it’s just so hard. I see a semi truck and I freeze up. Thanks for listening.
Carrie Warren says
I’m so sorry, Debbie. You’re right, accident recovery is really hard for others to understand. I’m so glad you found this article about support groups. There are some great resources there. Perhaps your PT can point you in the direction of a local group as well?
John Henkelman says
When I was 17 years old I survived a horrific rollover accident where I was ejected from the vehicle and suffered a break and multiple fractures in my neck. I seem too still suffer to this day of a bizarre form of survivors guilt. No one died in my accident but I am crippled with guilt when I hear of people that die in car accidents all the time. I can’t help shake this feeling of complete injustice that I survived this wreck when I was less than a savory individual at the time of my accident, and good hearted, hard working decent people lose there lives every day in similar accidents. I don’t and will never understand how some are chosen to die and others are like me are not. I am looking for a support/donation group for indivusuals like me. If there is not one I would like to create one. Can anyone here help?
Nancy Rapp says
Hello, John. You are certainly lucky to be alive and it is wonderful that everyone survived. I’m sorry you suffer such guilt, and I hope that you receive counseling to help you cope with your grief. There are quite a few accident donation opportunities available with Go Fund Me. C.A.R.E. is one organization. Browse that site to see what cause you would like to donate to or create your own fundraiser. I hope that helps!
Katharine J. says
I had a car accident 3 years ago, gone through so much pain and troubles, I thought I was strong, but today I had another rear-ended one, all bad memory and pain came back. I just realized I need some help.
Nancy Rapp says
Hi Katharine. Realizing you need help is an important step to your recovery. Your statute of limitations may have run out, but we encourage you to use our attorney directory near you to learn your rights for both the previous accident and your current one.
Verna S says
It is a great thing for you to realize you need help. I have learned from experience that ptsd is cumulative, which means it builds up worse and worse after each episode. Just learning that convinced me to seek help. I have been hot 4 times, never my fault. Good luck and may God bless you
Katharine J. says
Anybody known very tough lawyer in Bay Area， now I had second rear-ended accidend, made my case too complicated. Thanks for help.
Nancy Rapp says
Hello Katharine. I’m sorry to hear about your accident. Here is the link to our California attorney directory: https://www.enjuris.com/directory/lawyers/california/ The cities are listed next to the firm name, so you should be able to find a lawyer near you.
Katharine J. says
Thank you for attorney’s information
Dawn Jackson says
My husband and I where involved in a serious road traffic accident in February we both had life changing injuries but my husband had a cartographic brain injury and is in a neurological care home in a minimal conscious state.
This has been devastating for all the family..
We both have good solicitors who are working to get us the right compensation.
Lance Buchanan says
Thanks for sharing your story, Dawn. We’re sorry to hear about your serious injuries, but glad that you have good representation on your side helping you recover financially. That can make such a huge difference in cases like yours. Best wishes and we hope you and your family heal quickly!
Sandy says
How do I find a Accident Support Group in Los Angeles?
Ian Pisarcik says
Sandy,
Take a look at this list from Psychology Today. There are support groups for pain, PTSD, and brain trauma. If you don’t find exactly what you’re looking for, contact one of the groups and ask for a referral.
Jeanne says
First want to recognize the folks that were in horrific car accidents! My heart goes out to you.
I had a car accident in the beginning of December 2018. Thankfully no one was hurt. The trauma. is still real in my head and afraid of other drivers and etc. Having trouble getting past this. Why was I and everyone ok? I am still afraid to drive more than 2 miles. I feel so fortunate but alone in a sense.
Logan says
On October 6,2017 my best friend and I were involved in a terrible car wreck. I was driving he was the passenger…we have been close for 6 years! Unfortunately on the horrible day my passenger tires fell of the road and I over corrected resulting in us hitting a tree…all the impact with on his side and he almost died on scene…I can faintly remember taking my sweatshirt off after realizing his body was in shock and knowing keeping him warm was a necessity…I faded out then the next this I remember is being pulled out of my car…I started screaming his name and never got a response…everyone had told me no one was in the car…(as it happened the car hand bent over his so much they couldn’t see him)….once he was found I head them say he’s gone…I remember screaming and making the other paramedic (who was also a friend of mine) go re check for a pulse…thankfully he found on they had to open up two air ways and he was mercy flighted to ECMC where he was in a coma for 6 months and we learned he hit direct contact with the tree using his head…he went through months of therapy after waking up and it’s a miracle he is here but now I am struggling daily with the fact I was responsible to keep him safe and I failed….the guilt is unreal…
capreena rosa says
My boyfriend was in a babd dirt bike accendent last year sept. 2018 he is going thru a lot because of the injury to his left leg has a wound that is not healing like it should has an infection he is not able to work because of it having a lot pain make him deppressd and has trouble sleeping we need a support group in Rockford IL please help
thank You
Capreena
Ian Pisarcik says
I’m sorry this happened to your boyfriend. I’m not sure of any support groups specifically in Rockford, Illinois. If he’s having a difficult time, it may be a good idea for him to reach out to a therapist. Often, therapists are covered by health insurance plans. Good luck. He’s lucky to have you!
Dan Hartman says
I am 15 and I lost my left arm and leg in a car accident. We got hit by a truck and my arm and leg got pinned between the seat and window. I will never be able to play hockey or every be normal again. I am going to kill my self. Good bye.
Ian Pisarcik says
Dan,
Please reach out to the suicide hotline: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/.
Verna S says
Dan, I have had a violent head on with a drunk driver that has destroyed my life and that was over two years ago. I cannot imagine how impossible your situation must feel, however you just being alive is a miracle. You are alive for an important reason. Please know this world needs you. Although it may take time to figure out, it will come to you. Try your hardest at recovery and seeing the world through new eyes. There is still so much for you and I know you are important. Love yourself and remember there is no use in considering ‘normal’ as what is normal to one is different to all. Please reach to a counselor, family member, or friend. God bless you. You are not alone.
Bradley Rush says
Much love to everyone going through the after effects of an automobile accident, Im so happy I found this group.
12 months ago, I was at work driving with an co-worker to a job site. He decided to take off on a side road, and “joy-ride” a brand new 2018 Mercedes benz. The type of work we were in allowed us to drive these vehicles daily. As I screamed at him to slow down, he lost control of the vehicle, rolling us 5 times at 75-80 mph. I am a very lucky man. The seat belt saved my life, and I am so grateful to wake up everyday. Unfortunately this incident has left me with a traumatic brain injury, severe spinal issues, and extreme anxiety/depression. I am disabled , can not work, and am still waiting on any sort of settlement. My credit score is ruined, cant get a bank account, and have gone to collections for all the medical bills from that day. My attorney’s can’t help much, as we are waiting on a workers comp appeal.
I have moved in with my mom, and have had to get job washing dishes, despite my pain. I can read at a 4th grade level, so I can’t do much for work. I don’t know what to do, I’m sad, and feel hopeless. I feel like I am not being represented well, and that im being taken advantage of because of my inability to understand things now. I hope everyone else that is going through this the best, and I hope that someday I be ok too.
Ian Pisarcik says
Thanks for sharing, Bradley. I hope you feel better soon. If you feel your lawyer isn’t being responsive, this article may be helpful: https://www.enjuris.com/blog/questions/lawyer-ignoring-me/
Julia says
May 2019 was an incredibly ugly month. On May 16th I learned my best friend passed away unexpectedly on May 10th which was shocking to me because I was with her all evening on May 9th and she was fine.
My 37th Birthday was May 20, 2019 and lets just say I was in no mood for celebrating little did I know what lied ahead.
On May 27th 2019 I decided in the afternoon to go and see an R-Rated movie while my 9 year old son was at Summer Camp. I got in the car and made my way down Hwy 100. I was traveling East Bound on 100 there’s 2 lanes. The other side of the hwy has 2 westbound lanes and there’s a center turn lane set according to the direction of traffic so west bound lanes you could go right or straight across and East bound lanes you can go left or straight across. The center lanes are equipt with Yield Signs for both Directions.
As I was going up the highway I noticed a blue car in the center lane up ahead inching forward to go straight across so i slowed down unsure of the drivers intentions but then he stopped so I accelerated to normal speed/speed limit accordingly.
The next thing I know I hear screeching brakes and feel my body lifted out of my seat and i slammed my head on the windshield cracking it. Then on the way back down I bashed my chin on the dashboard and smashed my face on the steering wheel, I landed back in my seat and was thrown sideways where I hit my head on the drivers side window and then everything stopped.
Then I smelled a bad burning smell and I totally freaked out thinking the car was going to blow up with me in it. I ended up going out the passenger side half opened door on my stomach because none of the doors would open properly. It turned out that the burning smell was just the airbag deployed.
I already figured out pretty quickly that the blue car was evolved. This was a 2 driver 2 vehicle accident. What had happened was that I was going straight east bound and he was in the center lane to go across but instead of waiting since I had the right of way he pulls out right in front of me when i was doing 55-60 mph leaving me no time to react.
So i drove straight and he was coming from the left side center lane into my path and my vehicle plowed into his drivers side door………….
Tragically 60 year old Charles Wilcox was killed during this horrific accident. He has a 30-yr old daughter and 2 grandchildren. Even though he caused the accident the guilt is horrific. Fortunately I escaped with my life. I have a fractured rib and some ugly bruising so I was very very lucky. PTSD is not fun with flashbacks and freaking out whenever i pass an intersection that can pull out into an accident it’s an endless pit.
https://www.stltoday.com/news/local/crime-and-courts/man-from-ballwin-area-killed-in-two-vehicle-crash-in/article_d8201346-25a4-5996-8bb9-a545d98c79ae.html
Concernedmom says
Need advice, my sons girlfriend was in an accident the driver of the other car didn’t make it. When should we tell her. She is recovering from surgeries. No brain trauma though.
Melissa Gold says
Hello. I’m so sorry to hear about this tragedy. It’s lovely that you’re so concerned about your son’s girlfriend’s well-being. The decision about when to deliver upsetting — possibly traumatic — news is definitely best left to the people closest to her. Depending on her age and who’s closest to her (parents, siblings, friends, your son, etc.), who tells her, when, and how, needs to be determined based on her physical and emotional condition. Whoever is managing her care can also talk with the nurses, doctors, or counselors caring for her. Those people likely have experience with these situations and are familiar with her situation, so they might provide the best guidance.
Again, I am so sorry that your family is going through this devastating event. Take care of yourself and your loved ones.
april picklesimer says
iam looking for a support group in mansfeild ohio
Ian Pisarcik says
April,
I’m not sure if there is a support group in Mansfield, Ohio, specifically designed for motor vehicle accident victims. However, The Ohio State University has a listing of support groups in Mansfield that includes rehab support groups, grief support groups, and some other support groups that might be appropriate.
https://mansfield.osu.edu/current-students/buckeyes-care/support-groups.html
Ella Pepper says
I was run over by a car about four years ago outside of a bank while walking my dog on the sidewalk. As a result I required reconstructive surgery on both of my Achilles’ tendons in some ways the surgery was more painful than the accident itself. I have a massive scars on my leg head and my left foot. At the age of 22 I am forced to wear braces on both feet every night to prevent pain the next day. At the age of 22 I have a massive scar broadcasting what I’ve been through on my right leg that always has people asking what happened I can’t wear a bathing suit or shorts with out being self conscious… I was moving past this when the lawsuit for financial recovery for all of my medical experts finally came up. It was there that the man who is responsible for all of this refused to acknowledge fault for running me over while I was on the sidewalk and told lie after lie to cover up his mistake for the sake of his insurance company. My family and I have $140,000 of medical bills hanging over our heads and it was because of a law saying that if a pedestrian in an accident is found at least one percent at fault they are not untitled to any recovery. My one percent was the fact that I was walking my dog. Now it feels as if I have been retraumatized and that the pain that I’m still going through is something to be dismissed. I’m having reoccurring nightmares all over again. Anger that I haven’t felt before is burning me up inside. I can’t talk to people about it because all of my friends are too young too inexperienced too sheltered to have had anything like this happen to them and I’m so angry that I can’t be like them.
Ian Pisarcik says
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Thanks for sharing your story.
Peggy says
I am recovering from an accident that occurred back on Sept 27, 2019. I was driving and my husband was a passenger. We were hit head on by a drunk driver in Maryland. We were both flow to Baltimore Shock Trauma, with myself having fractured sternum, fractured both clavicles, multiple broken ribs, both lungs partially collapsed, and 2 broken bones in my right foot, with my heel totally disassociated. Luckily, my husband only suffered a broken rib, fractured wrist and messed up soft tissue in his knee. On top of all of this, the driver was uninsured that hit us.
I have horrible PTSD in the car, and we are still waiting on Blood Kit results from the driver so he can be charged with DUI. According to the State Police in Frederick Maryland, there is only one lab that handles all the blood kit results in Maryland. In the mean time, my husband and I have to face the burden of thousands and thousands of dollars worth of medical bills. This is not fair, and I am having a hard time dealing with all of this. 🙁
Ian Pisarcik says
Peggy,
I’m sorry this happened to you. Have you talked to an attorney in your area about this? Even though the man didn’t have insurance, you may still be able to get money from him (your lawyer can garnish his wages, put a lien on his house, etc.). Most attorneys offer free initial consultations. It would certainly be worth meeting with an attorney and talking over your options. Your attorney may even be able to provide some information about medical loans and other payment options to help you out in the meantime.
Here’s our online legal directory to get you started.
Verna ZS says
Blood alcohol tests never take two years. I would look into that. Your own insurance policy, the underinsured motorist’ section will pay something but you may consider bankruptcy to get out from under the bills and get rid of the horrible stresss you are under. Also, there is a statute of limitations for filing suit. In my state it is 4 years. Good luck. You are not alone. Do what you can to heal as much emotionally and mentally and physically as possible.
SUJAN KUMAR GHALE says
Dear sir/ Madam
My name is Sujan Kumar Ghale. I am 33 years old from Nepal. During food delivery job period i got serious accident on the road so my leg got comminuted leg fracture. Currently my treatment is continuing by National Trauma Hospital Kathmandu Nepal. Past 2 month back my father also got dead. I have 5 years old son. My wife also cannot continue her job because of take care to me. I need to take care of my son study and for food. Currently i am in critical condition. I hope support from your team. Please help me
Sujan Kumar Ghale
Ian Pisarcik says
Sujan,
I’m sorry all of this happened to you.
Please contact one of the attorneys listed in your state: https://www.enjuris.com/directory/
Meg Star says
2 weeks ago, I was hanging out with my friends at a parking lot. We were skateboarding, so we were having a lot of fun. On the way home, there’s a hill that goes down across a street, and when I was crossing that street, I got hit by a car. I don’t remember actually being hit, but I remember going up to the car. I don’t remember much from that day, but it doesn’t feel real. I mean 4 of my best friends saw me get hit by that car and almost die. I didn’t have any major injuries besides some small brain damage but it will heal. My eye was really swollen and bruised. Nothing else was broken besides some small fractures by my eye. The kid that hit me was probably high, and he was speeding. He wasn’t paying attention to the road because if he was, he would’ve been able to see me. After he hit me, he kept on driving and slammed on his brakes and I rolled off his car. He got out and started screaming at himself, and didn’t even acknowledge the fact that I was hurt. He wouldn’t even look at me. My friend had to call 911 because he wasn’t able to do it because of how much he was panicking. I mean I get it, I would’ve panicked too, but I would’ve made sure the person is ok. The neighbors that live right on that corner came running out and helped me with my bleeding. It was terrifying. And now, I’m scared to cross the street or walk on the street. I just want my life to go back to normal. I want my face back. That man took everything I loved doing away from me because he couldn’t pay attention to the road. I’m hurting inside. I wish I was as pretty as I was before. I have all these scars on my face from the accident and I hate them so much. I wish the whole thing didn’t happen. I can’t go back in time and change it though. And it sucks.
Ian Pisarcik says
Thanks for sharing your story. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I am glad your friends were there to help and I wish you all the luck in the world with your recovery.
Sheri says
From Illinois
Hello. 6 yrs ago my son who was 16 at the time was involved in an accident that resulted in the death of an individual. He had only had his license for about 4 months and he and his friend were driving down a country road. He saw the gentleman mowing grass along the road. As he got closer the gentleman pulled out into the roadway. My son was speeding and couldn’t stop and hit the gentleman on the lawn mower. The gentleman did not make it. My son went thru counseling right after and has been diagnosed with PTSD. He is now 22 and has 2 sons. He struggles daily with the fact that he has taken a man’s life. Tonight he told me that everyday he wakes up he struggles with whether or not he should end his life. The guilt is eating at him. We live in a small town in southern Illinois. I am trying to find someone who has had something similar happen or a support group for individuals like him. Any advise would be greatly appreciated.
Ian Pisarcik says
I’m so sorry your son is going through this. I’m posting this comment in the hopes that someone else out there might be going through something similar and will reach out to you through the comments.
In addition, I would recommend looking for a NAMI support group near you: https://namiillinois.org/find-your-local-nami-2/
Morgan says
From Texas
A little over a year ago I was pregnant with my second child. I was hit early in the morning on my way to work, 6 months pregnant. I was petrified that my daughter was dead and refused to go to the hospital till my husband could pick me up from the accident. It was only about 5 miles from my house. If I was going to find out that my daughter had died in the accident I did not want to be alone. Thankfully she was perfectly fine. I think the fact that I was pregnant and I thought that she was dead is what’s causing me so much anxiety, stress and ptsd even a year later. I thought that time would heal this wound but that doesn’t seam the case. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about the accident, have it flash in my mind or the thought of waiting to hear her heartbeat on the monitor. I have been searching for some kind of online support group to talk through this. It doesn’t feel like the ptsd will ever truly go away but if anyone has some helpful tools I would be very appreciative.
Lisa Day says
From Colorado
My best friend was driving going below the speed limit when a boy on a bicycle just came out of nowhere and was killed. She was going thru a green light and the police and witnesses all agreed it was the boys fault that died. She is looking for a support group to help her get thru this tragedy . If anyone knows of one please let us know. She is suffering terribly! Thank you
Ian Pisarcik says
I’m so sorry this happened.
You might recommend this site for your friend: https://coloradosupport.org/
Good luck!
West Coast Wellness says
From Florida
Greetings!
Very Informative, Thanks for sharing this blog.
Ian Pisarcik says
Thanks for reading!
L says
From California
On January 23, 2019 my life changed forever. I was almost done with work for the day and had made a stop at the pharmacy to pick up meds for my client. I was going to run back to my office and then over to my client’s house with plenty of time left before the end of the day. I pulled out of the parking lot and this is when of my life changed. I honestly don’t know how it happened or if I miss something. But about 15 or 20 feet after I pulled out I struck a homeless man who was in the street. I was going like 10 miles an hour and I just clipped him with my mirror. I didn’t even have a phone in my car to call anybody. I flagged down someone in traffic who called the cops and the ambulance. I’ll never forget that man’s face. He died ten days later never making it out of the hospital. I feel like a murderer. I don’t know how to feel different. The police the DA they all thought it was an accident. Sometimes I just punish myself like I’m in prison. I literally don’t move off my couch, sometimes days at a time. I’ve been to therapy and all they can tell me is it’s not your fault so get over it basically. My family says this doesn’t define me….This man is gone. I did that no matter how you slice it I did that. I’m waiting for the right words for the right moment or the right something to snap out of this.